Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
cat food counts as protein by the way
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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