Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize