Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
