Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
