Cold hands, warm shart.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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