Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's always time for handjobs
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
