Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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