WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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