I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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