I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
