We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
