totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize