My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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