the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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