enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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