last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
