I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
