after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
