He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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