A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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