Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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