ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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