me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
