If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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