I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
