Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
