i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
