Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
