Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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