whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ok first of all what the fuck
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
