I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
