my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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