my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
