I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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