just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
