I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
