That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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