My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
