I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
