this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
