I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't turn off my feet"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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