my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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