i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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