i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
