She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
