i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
