I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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