And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
