I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
