you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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