I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
