Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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