Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
