omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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