I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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