I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
