Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
