Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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