P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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