the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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