he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
