my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
