I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The air was thick with penises
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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